If Charlie Sheen were actually Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Winning!

Major League (1989)

[Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]
Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?
[Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]
Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: “I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
Pedro Cerrano: [pointing to us] So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
[Roger snaps his fingers]
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
[Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]
Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.


Willie Mays Hayes: What the hell league you been playing in?
Rick Vaughn: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”

Willie Mays Hayes: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
Rick Vaughn: “Winning!”

Rick Vaughn: [converses with Taylor on the mound] Fucking Dorn! This game should be over by now. He could've had that ball, he tanked it on purpose!
Jake Taylor: Hey! This isn't the California Penal League, Vaughn, we're professionals here! We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby shit! Now, you've pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don't you?
Rick Vaughn: “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

Jake Taylor: Good... think you can get a strike on this guy?
Rick Vaughn: “Rock bottom; that’s a fishing term.”
Jake Taylor: Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing.
Rick Vaughn: The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn't even landed yet!  I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.
Jake Taylor: [grins] Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

Umpire: [after hitting Coleman] You're out of here rookie.
Rick Vaughn: I'm out?
Umpire: Yes you are!
Rick Vaughn: Hey, c'mon. That's an accident!
Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass! I think people mistake my passion for anger.”
Umpire: You're gone.
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you! “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
Umpire: Get outta here rookie.
Rick Vaughn: Oh! Why don't you blow me ump! “Winning!”

Suzanne Dorn: Mind if I join you?
Rick Vaughn: I don't think I'm very good company, right now. “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen.”
Suzanne Dorn: Why not?
Rick Vaughn: “I’m tired–I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitching and winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every freakin’ turn.”
Suzanne Dorn: That's not why I'm here. I don't chase ball players.
[Leans over to Vaughn]
Suzanne Dorn: I think you're the sexiest man I have ever layed my eyes on.
Rick Vaughn: “Winning!”

I wanna go fast

So Edible Arrangements came out with this new NASCAR Daytona 500 inspired fruit bouquet. Who are they marketing this to?  Women and Gays love these sort of things and they usually arent into Nascar. Redneck women that love Nascar are more into Newports and stone-washed jeans so they arent buying this. So I guess the Redneck fruits are buying the fruit car - "Gentlemen start your engines Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!" Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

How to get drunk article by someone that never drank

Let me break down this little article that I found about stupid drinking mistakes to avoid. Let me first level a disclaimer I only believe there are two mistakes to avoid when drinking 
1. Fat/Ugly chicks 
2. Pissing/shitting yourself .  
Both of those things suck and can be humiliating if handled improperly. (hint: you have to not care)

5 Stupid mistakes to avoid when drinking

By Deborah Kotz, Globe Staff

Are you a smart drinker or a stupid drinker? Or do you just avoid alcohol altogether? Sure drinking in moderation -- one or two drinks a day max -- seems to confer heart benefits, though it may also raise a woman's risk of breast cancer.

Wrong! if you are smart and you drink you are still smart, if you are stupid and you drink you are still stupid - the only thing that has changed is you are now drunk.

But what about if you have four or five beers, and then drive home from a football game? Not a good idea, but a significant percentage of us do it, according to a recent study. Here are five stupid mistakes many folks make drinking that could harm your health ... or land you in jail.

If you have 4 or 5 beers at a football game then drive home, you left at halftime.

1. Taking a pill to prevent liver damage caused by excess alcohol. Yes, such a thing exists. It's called the smart drinking pill, and you may have heard it advertised on the radio. The pill contains milk thistle (containing the chemical silymarin) and artichoke, which purportedly have liver protective effects.
But "there's no evidence that taking silymarin or artichoke before a drinking binge will protect the liver," says Dr. Adriane Fugh-Berman, an expert in herbal medicine at Georgetown University Medical Center. "It's theoretically possible, but that study, to my knowledge, hasn't been done. And there's certainly no evidence for this proprietary mixture having a protective effect.

While the liver does have some ability to repair itself after injury from a toxic substance, it certainly can't be protected from repeated binge drinking onslaughts typical of alcoholics or those pledging fraternities.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME READING THAT IT'S ALL BULLSHIT. Now as for the liver I swear I heard as long as you don't drink like a half gallon a day the liver will regenerate itself to a minimum of 90% full capacity, now I have no idea if that's true but it works for me. And oh yea I am not a pussy

2. Thinking you can't get drunk at a sporting event. Sure, you might get a designated driver when you head out to a bar but how about a football or baseball game? Some 8 percent of sports fans are legally drunk when they leave games, according to a University of Minnesota study published last month.
The results were based on breathalyzer exams given to 362 adults after 13 baseball games and three football games. Tailgaters who imbibe, to no surprise, were 14 times more likely to get sloshed than those who skipped the tailgate.


Normal people that drink think the opposite here toots, you can't leave a sporting event sober, that is just a FACT. Wait if you tailgate you are more likely to get wasted, isnt that the point of a tailgate to get drunker for less money.

3. Popping a Tylenol to relieve that alcohol-induced headache. Mixing Tylenol with alcohol can be toxic for your liver. "I've seen liver enzymes, a marker of acute liver injury, shoot up into the hepatitis range after someone has ingested alcohol and then taken Tylenol," says Fugh-Berman. Take an aspirin or ibuprofen instead.
Give yourself about eight hours after your last drink before taking Tylenol to allow your body to fully metabolize the alcohol and clear it from your system.

Out of all the people I have seen taking pills while drinking never once has it been Tylenol, lets just leave it at that honey.

4. Mixing alcohol with Red Bull. Sure, that caffeine jolt from Red Bull can make you feel less drowsy when you drink and keep you partying longer. The downside? You feel less impaired and may be more likely to get behind the wheel, not realizing how drunk you really are.
Trouble is, the breathalyzer doesn't care if you've had caffeine. That means if you get pulled over by a cop, you can still be found legally drunk even if you don't feel woozy.
In terms of health drawbacks, both caffeine and alcohol have dehydrating effects. Being dehydrated slows down your body's ability to metabolize the alcohol, which can increase the toxicity and put you at higher risk of alcohol poisoning.

Vodka made Red Bull millions of dollars think about it. And Red Bull and Vodka makes great stories that are very difficult to remember.

5. Not counting drinks as calories. While your body does metabolize alcohol sugars slightly differently than table sugar, you can still gain a lot of weight from drinking if you add it on top of the rest of the calories you're consuming. Unfortunately, calorie counts aren't usually listed on the bottle unless you're going for a "light" version.
The typical 5-ounce glass of wine contains about 130 calories; a regular 8-ounce beer about 100 calories, and a shot of spirits about 75 calories. But where you really head into trouble is with mixed cocktails. A 6-ounce margarita, pina colada, or cosmopolitan weighs in at about 300 calories.
Check out CalorieKing to get all the info on your favorite drinks. And, yes, do count those calories as part of your overall eating plan. Treat that glass of wine like an appetizer and that pina colada as a dessert.

That isn't even remotely stupid, who cares how many calories in a drink, you are going to drink until you are drunk, this isn't Jenny Craig time to grow up fatty's.

Hot Pants Mcgee

Well lets bring back a segment that I enjoy:

5 Quick Observations:

1. The orange shirt - red sweats combo is straight fire, he shall be known as Backdraft.
2. What is going on with that shirt? Is a cross being erected from a bolt of lightning that is eminating from his goatee?
3. Nice smart phone pal - I cant believe a bald man that wears sweat pants in public knows how to access the internet.
4. The drawstring out vs drawstring in dilemma; our man after years of debate has decided to go drawstring out bold move (I assume its to take the attention off his crown of baldness)
5. Can you believe that bitch with her Air Max Nikes iphone and ipad? 

Oh yea he's fuuuuuuuuuuckin cool.

RoboDetroit

No idea why I used a picture of RoboCop on a Unicorn (ok funniest picture on google)

DETROIT—A statue of the futuristic film crime fighter RoboCop standing guard over Detroit is not in Mayor Dave Bing's plans for the city.  That response from his office to the idea left on Bing's Twitter page spurred some online debate. "RoboCop" on Tuesday was a top trending topic on Twitter.  Some tweets -- either genuine or tongue-in-cheek -- say a statue of the metal alloy-encased cyborg from the 1987 science fiction movie would help bring visitors into the city.  Others argue such a statue would play to the perception that Detroit is plagued by crime and violence.  Spokeswoman Karen Dumas tells The Associated Press in an e-mail that the mayor's social media manager responded to the RoboCop suggestion, though Bing on occasion does respond to tweets.

Detroit totally needs a RoboCop statue, to help prop the tourism and in hand the economy of a tough blue-collar city, plus RoboCop is Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin-Cool!!  I mean half man,half machine, 100% Crime Fighting Bad Ass what is not to love.  And that there lies the problem that Detroit has, nobody knows that RoboCop was from Detroit. You hear Detroit you think of Fords, terrible sports teams, high murder rates, and some white rapper that likes iced tea; BUT they also have a crime fighting cyborg that will rip shit up. Philly plays up the whole fictional character angle with Rocky, it's about time Detroit got in on this market, and while we are at it San Demis High should put up statues of Bill and Ted, New York needs a statue of Officer John McClane, and obviously LA needs a Terminator statue as the Terminator is the most bad ass of all Cyborgs. I could go on all day but lets just leave it the fact that RoboCop in Detroit is Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

Snake Hipsters

 

 

 Hipsterville -

Oh what a great feel good story; this couple got their lost pet back after it was lost on the T for a month; wait what is that its a pet snake.  I really hate these stupid hipsters, its a pet snake, if it was a dog maybe that is a news worthy story because the dog would be all happy to see them and all that, but a snake come on.  I mean what does a pet snake even do sit in a fish tank with no water and kill mice. If that snake got big enough it would have no issues with strangling and eating these stupid hipsters and you know what I say go for it snake, this blue banged dyke needs to be gasping for air on the red line. Although I take everything back if this snake was ruling the T and killing all the T rats, because nothing is more disgusting than rats, well maybe these two hipsters. Pet snake reunions are Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

HCR Watch Out Now!!!

Ok, if you cant quite see it this pick up has a sweet wind shield decal "HIGH CLASS REDNECK", thats fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin cool!!!  Now I am curious I would like to know a little more about the owner of this pick up. Like he lives up North so wouldnt that instantly make him a Yankee not a Redneck. So what really makes a northerner able to lay claim to the title of redneck of high class (why would you ever brag about that), at that: maybe he has all his teeth, a good factory job (say Brookfield Wire), he isnt married to his sister. Also just so everyone knows I am assuming that he is overweight and has a mullet, although the buzz-cut is a strong possibility.

Now back to the truck, there are a few things that are throwing me off from this truck being a full fledged redneck muscle machine a.) this bad-boy is street legal, it has plates b.) everyone knows that rednecks drive Chevys, they wouldnt be caught dead in a Ford, Jeff Gordon, the rainbow warrior drives Ford, the Intimidator Dale Earnhardt drove Chevy which makes Chevy a true redneck brand.

Can you be a redneck and not white trash or is a redneck just a sect of the white trash? All I know is that this guy is Fuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.