It feels like warm cherry pie

 

 

So looking through good old thisiswhyyourefat.com I rolled across this bad boy; apparently it's a cupcake with a mini cherry pie baked into the middle. Why are we combining pie and cake aren't they competing desserts, you wouldn't combine hamburgers and hot dogs into one vessel (that's barbeque suicide), or would you?

 

But the real story here is that when this thing is opened up my first thought, and let me borrow a quote here, is "get it off me" if that does not look like a scary, period vagina that will bite yo dick off then I have never seen a scary, period vagina. Even the commenters sort of agree with me, check this exchange between Leah and Jim (who would comment on this stuff? although I am writing a blog on it now who's fuuuuuckin cool now):

 

 Leah says:

November 29, 2010 at 9:48 am

Maybe I’m still waking up, but this kind of looks like a frosted vagina.

Reply

• Jim says:

  December 1, 2010 at 9:11 am

  Yeah, I’d eat that, too.

I respect Jim there great response; he is letting the sluts of this is why you're fat know that yes he is a purveyor of the cunnilingus. Jim you are fuuuuckin cool in my book keep it up. Get dem fat hoes - MAN'S GOTTA EAT!

So Beefy

Lawsuit to Taco Bell: Where's the beef?

MONTGOMERY, Ala.—An Alabama law firm claims in a lawsuit that Taco Bell is using false advertising when it refers to using "seasoned ground beef" or "seasoned beef" in its products.

The meat mixture sold by Taco Bell restaurants contains binders and extenders and does not meet the minimum requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled as "beef," according to the legal complaint.

So apparently Taco Bell doesn't use real beef in their tacos, who knew? What gave it away the meat was placed in the shell straight from a tube, the stomach to toilet time is 3minutes 41seconds, or they sell for 68cents and Taco Bell is making a 64.5 cent profit per taco.

Whatever I think you know what you are getting into when you go to Taco Bell, and you obviously do not care, but there is a bigger question here; I have a friend and tacos have a certain affect on him: they make him looney. So the million dollar question is will fake beef tacos make you looney or just fuuuuuuckin-cool?

GTL Anyone???

Five Quick Observations

 

1. This Room looks like something straight out of an episode of Hoarders.

2. Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.

3. Do you think he placed his shoes in the shoe rack?

4. Is that a muffin top, peeking through?

5. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool!

Wyld Stallyn Rules!!

NORTHBRIDGE —  Benjamin **** developed his love of history and politics in his formative years in high school when he happened upon the Internet site, Wikipedia.

Next thing you're going to tell me is that he discovered that crazy internet site called google.

There, he obsessively read anything and everything he could find on current events and politics (I hope it did't ruin his volleyball career.), and later became fascinated with 24-hour news channels.

You know he could just watch CNN and get the news from reporters that are obliged to give you true facts not wikipedia where people with IQ's south of Vince Young write the news. 

And now, the 18-year-old freshman at Calvin College in Michigan is studying history and social studies in the hope of inspiring future students to become better citizens, not just of America, but of the world.

Just like Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World. I assume he was a History Teacher although Wikipedia doesn't mention it.

“I just find history fascinating for understanding the world as it is today,” Mr. **** said. “I think we need an understanding of history to be good citizens.”

World Peace in 4 years, you heard it here first, this kid is going to teach the Taliban all nice and well.

Mr. ****, the son of Deborah R. ****, received the 2010 Academic Achievement Award, part of the Telegram & Gazette’s Visions Community Awards program.

The Academic Achievement Award is given to a high school senior who has been chosen by his or her school as a Telegram & Gazette Student Achiever. The winner, selected through an essay contest, receives a cash scholarship of $2,500.

Mr. **** will be honored, along with four other Visions Award winners, at a public ceremony at 4:30 p.m. Feb. 9 in Mechanics Hall, 321 Main St., Worcester.

As a high school student at Whitinsville Christian School, Mr. **** would spend time after school discussing current events, politics and history with his teachers.

And obviously slaying pussy.

“He is naturally inquisitive and has an appreciation for all things academic,” Beth K. *******, his guidance counselor at the Whitinsville Christian School, said. “He was never satisfied with a pat answer; he was always looking for the exception.”

Sounds like if he was in an 80's movie getting wedgies would also be his thing!

In 2005, Mr. **** faced a challenge many people don’t at such a young age: the death of his father, Robert Douglas ****.

Ok. Now this is where it gets dicey for me, I feel bad for mocking this kid he is just nerdy and loves himself some history. So here it goes this kid is going to grow up to be a cocksmith of epic proportions, and not only will he teach History he will make Fuckin History. He is a modern day Bill and Ted wrapped up in one man - BOOM!!!

Patriots - Jets THE MOVIE

Starring:

Godfrey as Deion Branch, nobody plays the forgotten son comes home better than Godfrey.

 TI as Braylon Edwards, TI did hard time and learned how to call out a brother in the clink. TI is a perfect fit as the trash talking wide out.

Gary Coleman as Ladainian Tomlinson, I hear neither of these guys are too fond of the cold weather in Foxboro.

Scotty Caan aka Tweeter from Varsity Blues as Wes Welker, the hard nosed undersized wide out with the witty sense of humor.

Shemar Moore as Jason Taylor, graceful confidence abounds.

Theo Huxtable as Brandon Spikes, we can only hope Cockroach makes an appearance.

Precious as Damien Woody, a tough upbringing and torn achilles wont stop this man who played on both sides of this heated rivalry.

Edward Furlong as Danny Woodhead, he ran with the Terminator as John Connor and now he runs with Brady as the third down back.

Xzibit as Jerod Mayo, from Pimp yo Ride straight to the Grid Iron.

 

Dr Dre (the Ed Lover one) as Vince Wilfork......The Fat Captian.

Bubba Gump as Alge Crumpler, the folks around Gillette Stadium really love his shrimp chowda.

Barry Pepper as Zoltan Mesko, Pepper can punt the shit outta the ball.

Keith Robinson as Darrelle Revis, he got sick of I love the 90's so Keith Robinson decided he would like a role on Revis Island.

Snoop Dogg as Randy Moss, the exiled Wide Receiver played by the rap mogul.

The Terminator as John Connor aka The Terminator.

Vinny Chase as Mark Sanchez, Sanchez has been about as successful at Foxboro as Medellin was in theatres.

Kevin James as Rex Ryan, because lets face it nobody in Hollywood takes shits as gross as the King of Queens and we all know Rex can clear a room with the odors coming outta him.

Kevin Spacey as Bill Belichick, he played a mastermind once as Kaiser Soze and he nailed the mastermind role once again.

AND FINALLY... Tom Brady as Tom Brady no mortal man portray the beauty with the combination of athletic prowess of Tom Brady. 

The critics have called Tom Brady "a real TOUCHDOWN!!"

Steeeeeerike

 

Ok, so you might think I would comment on his cool-calm & collected fist-pump, but no. He is lucky as shit that he got a strike when he threw it in the wrong lane because everyone knows it is damn near impossible to manually change your score or restart the frame on those computers that automatically keep score. You have to know how to write computer code to figure those score boards, you start pressing buttons and next thing you know here comes a bowling alley waitress that is mildly overweight rocking hair sprayed bangs from 1996 with the Root Beer and Soft Pretzel you just ordered.

SCANLON Big Ern McCracken has his eye on you.

Rex vs. Belichick

Well with the big playoff matchup approaching let's take a closer look at the coaches in the game. All the pregame hype has centered around the differing media-relations theories implemented by the coaches from the two teams; Rex and his anything goes attitude and the Belichick say nothing side of things So here it goes...

Style: This is your classic comfort vs. class match-up

Rex: sweater vest and T-neck

Belichick: the custom made BB hoodie

Advantage: This one is a toss-up in my mind but we will give it to Rexy, the sweater vest really disguises his girth.

Catch Phrase

Rex: "Let's get a goddamn snack!!"

Belichick: "It is what, it is"

Advantage: Belichick, "It is what it is" has now morphed into a go to cliche, while Rex just continues to gain weight.

 The Wild Women

Rex: His wife with them precious little feet.

Belichick: He traded in his wife for hot little blonde cougar, with some great sweater puppies

Advantage: Belichick this broad is just way hotter, maybe less of a freak, but you have to imagine a gold digging cougar must do wild things herself.

Camera Work

Rex: Films many a foot-fetish flick.

Belichick: Films the oppositions play signals.

Advantage: Belichick it got him 3 rings and into the Hall of Fame, all Rex got was a foot-job. (you think he owns this, or only goes with the real thing)

Shiniest Accessories

Rex: You cant deny it, the man really has some pearly whites. 

Belichick: Three Super Bowl Rings.

Advantage: Belichick. The rings put asses in the seats.

Football Lineage

Rex: His father Buddy.

Belichick: Bill Parcells

Advantage: Belichick. Parcells wins Super Bowls, Buddy fights the other coordinators.

Thoughts on holier than thou, Tony Dungy

Rex: "Fuck him, I talk how I talk"

Belichick: "Fuck him, I will coach circles around his ass"

Advantage: Push. Anyone who aims to knock Dungy down a notch is good in my book, I can picture Dungy whipping his back with a belt, like that federal agent in Boardwalk Empire, while looking at a picture of Peyton Manning.

How he spends his free time

Rex: goes to UFC fights and flips people off

Belichick: goes to Bon Jovi concerts and watches game film

Advantage: Rex UFC is just better than Bon Jovi.

Winner I have to give this one to Belichick; Super Bowl Rings trump Toe Rings all day, every day.

Tough Sunday in Kansas City

Ok lets just get it out of the way and say this guy is Fuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool, I am pretty sure he is also a huge fan of the Nigerian Nightmare, Christian Okoye.

But he could be so much cooler if:
A) He stands up and is wearing Zubaz

or B) He is wearing cowboy boots with shorts

Side Note: A google image search caught me off guard because the shorts and cowboy boots is a great look on hot chicks

C.) And this is the most likely scenario he turns around and has rapist glasses and a stache

I don't get it

Why is the Chiefs mascot K.C. Wolf? What the hell does a wolf have to do with Kansas City, the Chiefs, Football or anything not concerning Kevin Costner. Do wolves secretly scalp people is that the connection.

AIDS Hall of Fame

 With Roberto Alomar's pending induction into Cooperstown and his little know story of multiple women accusing him of having HIV and knowingly having unprotected sex. And, obviously we all know Magic Johnson has had HIV for about 25 years now.  Let's breakdown which Hall of Famer with HIV is more AIDS-y/better:

Note: Alomar's story can be found here

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/otl/news/story?id=5765281

On to the battle

How he Contracted HIV: 

Magic-banging groupies 

Alomar-molested at age 17 by 2 dudes in new mexico (you would think it would happen in old mexico) 

Advantage- Magic

Championships:

Magic- 5x nba champ 

Alomar-2x world series champ

Advantage- Magic

All Star Game Appearances: 

Magic- 12

Alomar-12

Advantage- Push

Playing Controversy: 

Magic-played in all star game with HIV and won MVP (not switching that screen) 

Alomar- spit in umpires face (who spits?) 

Advantage-Alomar

AIDS Announcement Reactions: 

Magic- people question his sexuality 

Alomar- deny deny deny (hey if i dont get tested i will never know so its all good) 

Advantage-Alomar (hey he might not have AIDS thats a win there)

Family Implications: 

Magic- wife was preggers at the time (neither kid or wife have aids) 

Alomar- mistress claimed he force fucked aids into her then he foamed from the mouth and turned purple.  Alomar's wife backed Roberto and said he had no aids then a year later she filed for divorce and claimed he was an aids infested mess: Alomar still denies he has AIDS, now that's dedication folks.

Advantage- Magic (oh he just lights up a room!!)

Cure for HIV: 

Magic-lives forever he has some super cure 

Alomar- deny deny deny 

Advantage- Push (once again proving theres more than one way to skin a cat)

Post-Career: 

Magic: The Magic Hour 

Alomar: launched a clothing line in Puerto Rico, and beat his wife 

Advantage- Alomar (I mean come on have you seen the Magic Hour it was turrible)

HIV Awareness Efforts:  

Magic-big-time activist started the Magic Johnson Foundation 

Alomar-big-time proponent of unprotected sex and spreading HIV news to women daily 

Advantage - Magic

BREAKDOWN:

Magic-4 Alomar-3 Push-2

So in a hard fought battle Magic Johnson is the greatest HIV/AIDS infested athlete of all time.

Original Gangsta Chips

I had never seen Onion & Garlic Potato Chips before, but these things are the O.G. (and Fuckin cool).  They don't taste that great but the garlic in them saves the day because it will keep vampires away; although they do give you terrible breath.  The big thing here is they are anti-vampire.  This fad of vampire movies and TV shows is horrible any man that watches True Blood with Snookie, Suck ME or whatever that bitch's name is, is either A gay or horribly whipped. And lets not even start with those Twilight movies with Team Jacob.  Team Jacob should only be used in reference to LOST.  Jacob was bad ass in LOST. So the moral of the story here is Onion & Garlic Chips may give you bad breath (but who cares you would never eat these things sober), but they will keep vampires away and you will be safe from True blood butt seks, and Guys who watch these new vampire shows are Fuuuuuuckin-Cool.

NOT Lenny!!????!!

Ok. So apparently Lenny Dykstra is up to it again.  This time he is picking up escorts and writing bad checks.  The best part of this story though is the world class writing from the Philadelphia Daily News.

Dykstra never had any problem getting to first base on the field, so one wonders: How far did he get with Foster?

See what was done here Lenny Dykstra played baseball so when he hit a single he would get to first base and getting to first base is also a sexual innuendo – FUCKIN COOL

"I was hired strictly as his companion to have drinks and conversation," Foster wrote on her blog.


Ok so Monica Foster is the escort that Nails hired, and the most unbelievable part of this line in the story to me isn’t that Ms. Foster claims she was “strictly as his companion to have drinks and conversation” (I mean who wants to talk to hookers), but that she has a blog.  What does she write about? Old guys dicks?


"The amount agreed upon PRIOR to meeting was not initially to be paid via a check and absolutely no illegal or sexual activity occurred . . .


Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight


Foster went on to explain on her blog that she went public so that other escorts won't be - you'll pardon the pun - nailed with bounced checks.


Great writing here again “nailed with bounced checks”: 1) Dykstra’s nickname was Nails 2) nailed is slang for sex and we are talking about hookers  escorts. Pure Gold – Fuckin Cool


"Being that I most likely have little to no chance of ever recouping my losses from Lenny Dykstra I have decided to tell the truth about what happened . . . Lenny Dykstra WILL NOT EVER do this to another young woman if I can help it."


Lenny Dykstra does what he wants, when he wants, bitch!! Lenny Dykstra was on those crazy 80s Mets teams, and he loves the dip (everyone knows dip = kicking ass). Dykstra is Fuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.


Thank you Philly Daily

Read more: http://www.philly.com/dailynews/sports/phillies/20110104_Dykstra_still_a_deadbeat_.html#ixzz1A4pIQ1Gf Watch sports videos you won't find anywhere else