Gator Roll

Swamp People, Swamp People, Swamp People, Swamp People.

You gotta love it, this is the newest dance thats gonna hit the streets I am telling you forget the stanky leg, forget the bernie its all about the ALLIGATOR ROLL woooooooooooooooooo!!

if you cant appreciate that then you are not fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin cool.

The Story of the Mormon Basketball Player

So the kid from BYU gets kicked off the team for having sex with his girlfriend, I dont get the whole Mormon thing here you can have like 18 wives but pre-marital sex is off limits it makes no sense. In all reality though this kid has to be an idiot BYU is never going to be a top 5 team again he should have just denied having sex with her whats the big deal (women have no rights in that religion, right???).   Plus are you gonna tell me that when Shawn Bradley was at BYU he wasnt completely slaying it, the kid was 7'-6" of straight fire.

Another question I have is about the rules at BYU what is acceptable behavior with your girl up there holding hands?, a little dry hump? hand jobs?, blow jobs? it's mysterious. I truly believe the whole Mormon pre-marital sex thing is why John McCain chose Palin over Romney as his running mate, she is down for anything,
N E THING.

It just goes to show that a man's gotta eat. I really dont even want to write about this whole thing, I just want an excuse to post the South Park video that shows the history of John Smith and say that pre-marital is fuckin cool and Mormans are Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

I found this version which is German maybe and probably even funnier

If Charlie Sheen were actually Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn. Winning!

Major League (1989)

[Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]
Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?
[Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]
Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: “I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
Pedro Cerrano: [pointing to us] So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
[Roger snaps his fingers]
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
[Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]
Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.


Willie Mays Hayes: What the hell league you been playing in?
Rick Vaughn: “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”

Willie Mays Hayes: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
Rick Vaughn: “Winning!”

Rick Vaughn: [converses with Taylor on the mound] Fucking Dorn! This game should be over by now. He could've had that ball, he tanked it on purpose!
Jake Taylor: Hey! This isn't the California Penal League, Vaughn, we're professionals here! We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby shit! Now, you've pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don't you?
Rick Vaughn: “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

Jake Taylor: Good... think you can get a strike on this guy?
Rick Vaughn: “Rock bottom; that’s a fishing term.”
Jake Taylor: Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing.
Rick Vaughn: The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn't even landed yet!  I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.
Jake Taylor: [grins] Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

Umpire: [after hitting Coleman] You're out of here rookie.
Rick Vaughn: I'm out?
Umpire: Yes you are!
Rick Vaughn: Hey, c'mon. That's an accident!
Umpire: You threw at him intentionally!
Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass! I think people mistake my passion for anger.”
Umpire: You're gone.
Rick Vaughn: You're full of shit! Fuck you! “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
Umpire: Get outta here rookie.
Rick Vaughn: Oh! Why don't you blow me ump! “Winning!”

Suzanne Dorn: Mind if I join you?
Rick Vaughn: I don't think I'm very good company, right now. “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen.”
Suzanne Dorn: Why not?
Rick Vaughn: “I’m tired–I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitching and winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every freakin’ turn.”
Suzanne Dorn: That's not why I'm here. I don't chase ball players.
[Leans over to Vaughn]
Suzanne Dorn: I think you're the sexiest man I have ever layed my eyes on.
Rick Vaughn: “Winning!”

I wanna go fast

So Edible Arrangements came out with this new NASCAR Daytona 500 inspired fruit bouquet. Who are they marketing this to?  Women and Gays love these sort of things and they usually arent into Nascar. Redneck women that love Nascar are more into Newports and stone-washed jeans so they arent buying this. So I guess the Redneck fruits are buying the fruit car - "Gentlemen start your engines Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!" Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

How to get drunk article by someone that never drank

Let me break down this little article that I found about stupid drinking mistakes to avoid. Let me first level a disclaimer I only believe there are two mistakes to avoid when drinking 
1. Fat/Ugly chicks 
2. Pissing/shitting yourself .  
Both of those things suck and can be humiliating if handled improperly. (hint: you have to not care)

5 Stupid mistakes to avoid when drinking

By Deborah Kotz, Globe Staff

Are you a smart drinker or a stupid drinker? Or do you just avoid alcohol altogether? Sure drinking in moderation -- one or two drinks a day max -- seems to confer heart benefits, though it may also raise a woman's risk of breast cancer.

Wrong! if you are smart and you drink you are still smart, if you are stupid and you drink you are still stupid - the only thing that has changed is you are now drunk.

But what about if you have four or five beers, and then drive home from a football game? Not a good idea, but a significant percentage of us do it, according to a recent study. Here are five stupid mistakes many folks make drinking that could harm your health ... or land you in jail.

If you have 4 or 5 beers at a football game then drive home, you left at halftime.

1. Taking a pill to prevent liver damage caused by excess alcohol. Yes, such a thing exists. It's called the smart drinking pill, and you may have heard it advertised on the radio. The pill contains milk thistle (containing the chemical silymarin) and artichoke, which purportedly have liver protective effects.
But "there's no evidence that taking silymarin or artichoke before a drinking binge will protect the liver," says Dr. Adriane Fugh-Berman, an expert in herbal medicine at Georgetown University Medical Center. "It's theoretically possible, but that study, to my knowledge, hasn't been done. And there's certainly no evidence for this proprietary mixture having a protective effect.

While the liver does have some ability to repair itself after injury from a toxic substance, it certainly can't be protected from repeated binge drinking onslaughts typical of alcoholics or those pledging fraternities.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME READING THAT IT'S ALL BULLSHIT. Now as for the liver I swear I heard as long as you don't drink like a half gallon a day the liver will regenerate itself to a minimum of 90% full capacity, now I have no idea if that's true but it works for me. And oh yea I am not a pussy

2. Thinking you can't get drunk at a sporting event. Sure, you might get a designated driver when you head out to a bar but how about a football or baseball game? Some 8 percent of sports fans are legally drunk when they leave games, according to a University of Minnesota study published last month.
The results were based on breathalyzer exams given to 362 adults after 13 baseball games and three football games. Tailgaters who imbibe, to no surprise, were 14 times more likely to get sloshed than those who skipped the tailgate.


Normal people that drink think the opposite here toots, you can't leave a sporting event sober, that is just a FACT. Wait if you tailgate you are more likely to get wasted, isnt that the point of a tailgate to get drunker for less money.

3. Popping a Tylenol to relieve that alcohol-induced headache. Mixing Tylenol with alcohol can be toxic for your liver. "I've seen liver enzymes, a marker of acute liver injury, shoot up into the hepatitis range after someone has ingested alcohol and then taken Tylenol," says Fugh-Berman. Take an aspirin or ibuprofen instead.
Give yourself about eight hours after your last drink before taking Tylenol to allow your body to fully metabolize the alcohol and clear it from your system.

Out of all the people I have seen taking pills while drinking never once has it been Tylenol, lets just leave it at that honey.

4. Mixing alcohol with Red Bull. Sure, that caffeine jolt from Red Bull can make you feel less drowsy when you drink and keep you partying longer. The downside? You feel less impaired and may be more likely to get behind the wheel, not realizing how drunk you really are.
Trouble is, the breathalyzer doesn't care if you've had caffeine. That means if you get pulled over by a cop, you can still be found legally drunk even if you don't feel woozy.
In terms of health drawbacks, both caffeine and alcohol have dehydrating effects. Being dehydrated slows down your body's ability to metabolize the alcohol, which can increase the toxicity and put you at higher risk of alcohol poisoning.

Vodka made Red Bull millions of dollars think about it. And Red Bull and Vodka makes great stories that are very difficult to remember.

5. Not counting drinks as calories. While your body does metabolize alcohol sugars slightly differently than table sugar, you can still gain a lot of weight from drinking if you add it on top of the rest of the calories you're consuming. Unfortunately, calorie counts aren't usually listed on the bottle unless you're going for a "light" version.
The typical 5-ounce glass of wine contains about 130 calories; a regular 8-ounce beer about 100 calories, and a shot of spirits about 75 calories. But where you really head into trouble is with mixed cocktails. A 6-ounce margarita, pina colada, or cosmopolitan weighs in at about 300 calories.
Check out CalorieKing to get all the info on your favorite drinks. And, yes, do count those calories as part of your overall eating plan. Treat that glass of wine like an appetizer and that pina colada as a dessert.

That isn't even remotely stupid, who cares how many calories in a drink, you are going to drink until you are drunk, this isn't Jenny Craig time to grow up fatty's.

Hot Pants Mcgee

Well lets bring back a segment that I enjoy:

5 Quick Observations:

1. The orange shirt - red sweats combo is straight fire, he shall be known as Backdraft.
2. What is going on with that shirt? Is a cross being erected from a bolt of lightning that is eminating from his goatee?
3. Nice smart phone pal - I cant believe a bald man that wears sweat pants in public knows how to access the internet.
4. The drawstring out vs drawstring in dilemma; our man after years of debate has decided to go drawstring out bold move (I assume its to take the attention off his crown of baldness)
5. Can you believe that bitch with her Air Max Nikes iphone and ipad? 

Oh yea he's fuuuuuuuuuuckin cool.

RoboDetroit

No idea why I used a picture of RoboCop on a Unicorn (ok funniest picture on google)

DETROIT—A statue of the futuristic film crime fighter RoboCop standing guard over Detroit is not in Mayor Dave Bing's plans for the city.  That response from his office to the idea left on Bing's Twitter page spurred some online debate. "RoboCop" on Tuesday was a top trending topic on Twitter.  Some tweets -- either genuine or tongue-in-cheek -- say a statue of the metal alloy-encased cyborg from the 1987 science fiction movie would help bring visitors into the city.  Others argue such a statue would play to the perception that Detroit is plagued by crime and violence.  Spokeswoman Karen Dumas tells The Associated Press in an e-mail that the mayor's social media manager responded to the RoboCop suggestion, though Bing on occasion does respond to tweets.

Detroit totally needs a RoboCop statue, to help prop the tourism and in hand the economy of a tough blue-collar city, plus RoboCop is Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin-Cool!!  I mean half man,half machine, 100% Crime Fighting Bad Ass what is not to love.  And that there lies the problem that Detroit has, nobody knows that RoboCop was from Detroit. You hear Detroit you think of Fords, terrible sports teams, high murder rates, and some white rapper that likes iced tea; BUT they also have a crime fighting cyborg that will rip shit up. Philly plays up the whole fictional character angle with Rocky, it's about time Detroit got in on this market, and while we are at it San Demis High should put up statues of Bill and Ted, New York needs a statue of Officer John McClane, and obviously LA needs a Terminator statue as the Terminator is the most bad ass of all Cyborgs. I could go on all day but lets just leave it the fact that RoboCop in Detroit is Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

Snake Hipsters

 

 

 Hipsterville -

Oh what a great feel good story; this couple got their lost pet back after it was lost on the T for a month; wait what is that its a pet snake.  I really hate these stupid hipsters, its a pet snake, if it was a dog maybe that is a news worthy story because the dog would be all happy to see them and all that, but a snake come on.  I mean what does a pet snake even do sit in a fish tank with no water and kill mice. If that snake got big enough it would have no issues with strangling and eating these stupid hipsters and you know what I say go for it snake, this blue banged dyke needs to be gasping for air on the red line. Although I take everything back if this snake was ruling the T and killing all the T rats, because nothing is more disgusting than rats, well maybe these two hipsters. Pet snake reunions are Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

HCR Watch Out Now!!!

Ok, if you cant quite see it this pick up has a sweet wind shield decal "HIGH CLASS REDNECK", thats fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin cool!!!  Now I am curious I would like to know a little more about the owner of this pick up. Like he lives up North so wouldnt that instantly make him a Yankee not a Redneck. So what really makes a northerner able to lay claim to the title of redneck of high class (why would you ever brag about that), at that: maybe he has all his teeth, a good factory job (say Brookfield Wire), he isnt married to his sister. Also just so everyone knows I am assuming that he is overweight and has a mullet, although the buzz-cut is a strong possibility.

Now back to the truck, there are a few things that are throwing me off from this truck being a full fledged redneck muscle machine a.) this bad-boy is street legal, it has plates b.) everyone knows that rednecks drive Chevys, they wouldnt be caught dead in a Ford, Jeff Gordon, the rainbow warrior drives Ford, the Intimidator Dale Earnhardt drove Chevy which makes Chevy a true redneck brand.

Can you be a redneck and not white trash or is a redneck just a sect of the white trash? All I know is that this guy is Fuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool.

It feels like warm cherry pie

 

 

So looking through good old thisiswhyyourefat.com I rolled across this bad boy; apparently it's a cupcake with a mini cherry pie baked into the middle. Why are we combining pie and cake aren't they competing desserts, you wouldn't combine hamburgers and hot dogs into one vessel (that's barbeque suicide), or would you?

 

But the real story here is that when this thing is opened up my first thought, and let me borrow a quote here, is "get it off me" if that does not look like a scary, period vagina that will bite yo dick off then I have never seen a scary, period vagina. Even the commenters sort of agree with me, check this exchange between Leah and Jim (who would comment on this stuff? although I am writing a blog on it now who's fuuuuuckin cool now):

 

 Leah says:

November 29, 2010 at 9:48 am

Maybe I’m still waking up, but this kind of looks like a frosted vagina.

Reply

• Jim says:

  December 1, 2010 at 9:11 am

  Yeah, I’d eat that, too.

I respect Jim there great response; he is letting the sluts of this is why you're fat know that yes he is a purveyor of the cunnilingus. Jim you are fuuuuckin cool in my book keep it up. Get dem fat hoes - MAN'S GOTTA EAT!

So Beefy

Lawsuit to Taco Bell: Where's the beef?

MONTGOMERY, Ala.—An Alabama law firm claims in a lawsuit that Taco Bell is using false advertising when it refers to using "seasoned ground beef" or "seasoned beef" in its products.

The meat mixture sold by Taco Bell restaurants contains binders and extenders and does not meet the minimum requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled as "beef," according to the legal complaint.

So apparently Taco Bell doesn't use real beef in their tacos, who knew? What gave it away the meat was placed in the shell straight from a tube, the stomach to toilet time is 3minutes 41seconds, or they sell for 68cents and Taco Bell is making a 64.5 cent profit per taco.

Whatever I think you know what you are getting into when you go to Taco Bell, and you obviously do not care, but there is a bigger question here; I have a friend and tacos have a certain affect on him: they make him looney. So the million dollar question is will fake beef tacos make you looney or just fuuuuuuckin-cool?

GTL Anyone???

Five Quick Observations

 

1. This Room looks like something straight out of an episode of Hoarders.

2. Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.

3. Do you think he placed his shoes in the shoe rack?

4. Is that a muffin top, peeking through?

5. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool!

Wyld Stallyn Rules!!

NORTHBRIDGE —  Benjamin **** developed his love of history and politics in his formative years in high school when he happened upon the Internet site, Wikipedia.

Next thing you're going to tell me is that he discovered that crazy internet site called google.

There, he obsessively read anything and everything he could find on current events and politics (I hope it did't ruin his volleyball career.), and later became fascinated with 24-hour news channels.

You know he could just watch CNN and get the news from reporters that are obliged to give you true facts not wikipedia where people with IQ's south of Vince Young write the news. 

And now, the 18-year-old freshman at Calvin College in Michigan is studying history and social studies in the hope of inspiring future students to become better citizens, not just of America, but of the world.

Just like Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World. I assume he was a History Teacher although Wikipedia doesn't mention it.

“I just find history fascinating for understanding the world as it is today,” Mr. **** said. “I think we need an understanding of history to be good citizens.”

World Peace in 4 years, you heard it here first, this kid is going to teach the Taliban all nice and well.

Mr. ****, the son of Deborah R. ****, received the 2010 Academic Achievement Award, part of the Telegram & Gazette’s Visions Community Awards program.

The Academic Achievement Award is given to a high school senior who has been chosen by his or her school as a Telegram & Gazette Student Achiever. The winner, selected through an essay contest, receives a cash scholarship of $2,500.

Mr. **** will be honored, along with four other Visions Award winners, at a public ceremony at 4:30 p.m. Feb. 9 in Mechanics Hall, 321 Main St., Worcester.

As a high school student at Whitinsville Christian School, Mr. **** would spend time after school discussing current events, politics and history with his teachers.

And obviously slaying pussy.

“He is naturally inquisitive and has an appreciation for all things academic,” Beth K. *******, his guidance counselor at the Whitinsville Christian School, said. “He was never satisfied with a pat answer; he was always looking for the exception.”

Sounds like if he was in an 80's movie getting wedgies would also be his thing!

In 2005, Mr. **** faced a challenge many people don’t at such a young age: the death of his father, Robert Douglas ****.

Ok. Now this is where it gets dicey for me, I feel bad for mocking this kid he is just nerdy and loves himself some history. So here it goes this kid is going to grow up to be a cocksmith of epic proportions, and not only will he teach History he will make Fuckin History. He is a modern day Bill and Ted wrapped up in one man - BOOM!!!

Patriots - Jets THE MOVIE

Starring:

Godfrey as Deion Branch, nobody plays the forgotten son comes home better than Godfrey.

 TI as Braylon Edwards, TI did hard time and learned how to call out a brother in the clink. TI is a perfect fit as the trash talking wide out.

Gary Coleman as Ladainian Tomlinson, I hear neither of these guys are too fond of the cold weather in Foxboro.

Scotty Caan aka Tweeter from Varsity Blues as Wes Welker, the hard nosed undersized wide out with the witty sense of humor.

Shemar Moore as Jason Taylor, graceful confidence abounds.

Theo Huxtable as Brandon Spikes, we can only hope Cockroach makes an appearance.

Precious as Damien Woody, a tough upbringing and torn achilles wont stop this man who played on both sides of this heated rivalry.

Edward Furlong as Danny Woodhead, he ran with the Terminator as John Connor and now he runs with Brady as the third down back.

Xzibit as Jerod Mayo, from Pimp yo Ride straight to the Grid Iron.

 

Dr Dre (the Ed Lover one) as Vince Wilfork......The Fat Captian.

Bubba Gump as Alge Crumpler, the folks around Gillette Stadium really love his shrimp chowda.

Barry Pepper as Zoltan Mesko, Pepper can punt the shit outta the ball.

Keith Robinson as Darrelle Revis, he got sick of I love the 90's so Keith Robinson decided he would like a role on Revis Island.

Snoop Dogg as Randy Moss, the exiled Wide Receiver played by the rap mogul.

The Terminator as John Connor aka The Terminator.

Vinny Chase as Mark Sanchez, Sanchez has been about as successful at Foxboro as Medellin was in theatres.

Kevin James as Rex Ryan, because lets face it nobody in Hollywood takes shits as gross as the King of Queens and we all know Rex can clear a room with the odors coming outta him.

Kevin Spacey as Bill Belichick, he played a mastermind once as Kaiser Soze and he nailed the mastermind role once again.

AND FINALLY... Tom Brady as Tom Brady no mortal man portray the beauty with the combination of athletic prowess of Tom Brady. 

The critics have called Tom Brady "a real TOUCHDOWN!!"

Steeeeeerike

 

Ok, so you might think I would comment on his cool-calm & collected fist-pump, but no. He is lucky as shit that he got a strike when he threw it in the wrong lane because everyone knows it is damn near impossible to manually change your score or restart the frame on those computers that automatically keep score. You have to know how to write computer code to figure those score boards, you start pressing buttons and next thing you know here comes a bowling alley waitress that is mildly overweight rocking hair sprayed bangs from 1996 with the Root Beer and Soft Pretzel you just ordered.

SCANLON Big Ern McCracken has his eye on you.

Rex vs. Belichick

Well with the big playoff matchup approaching let's take a closer look at the coaches in the game. All the pregame hype has centered around the differing media-relations theories implemented by the coaches from the two teams; Rex and his anything goes attitude and the Belichick say nothing side of things So here it goes...

Style: This is your classic comfort vs. class match-up

Rex: sweater vest and T-neck

Belichick: the custom made BB hoodie

Advantage: This one is a toss-up in my mind but we will give it to Rexy, the sweater vest really disguises his girth.

Catch Phrase

Rex: "Let's get a goddamn snack!!"

Belichick: "It is what, it is"

Advantage: Belichick, "It is what it is" has now morphed into a go to cliche, while Rex just continues to gain weight.

 The Wild Women

Rex: His wife with them precious little feet.

Belichick: He traded in his wife for hot little blonde cougar, with some great sweater puppies

Advantage: Belichick this broad is just way hotter, maybe less of a freak, but you have to imagine a gold digging cougar must do wild things herself.

Camera Work

Rex: Films many a foot-fetish flick.

Belichick: Films the oppositions play signals.

Advantage: Belichick it got him 3 rings and into the Hall of Fame, all Rex got was a foot-job. (you think he owns this, or only goes with the real thing)

Shiniest Accessories

Rex: You cant deny it, the man really has some pearly whites. 

Belichick: Three Super Bowl Rings.

Advantage: Belichick. The rings put asses in the seats.

Football Lineage

Rex: His father Buddy.

Belichick: Bill Parcells

Advantage: Belichick. Parcells wins Super Bowls, Buddy fights the other coordinators.

Thoughts on holier than thou, Tony Dungy

Rex: "Fuck him, I talk how I talk"

Belichick: "Fuck him, I will coach circles around his ass"

Advantage: Push. Anyone who aims to knock Dungy down a notch is good in my book, I can picture Dungy whipping his back with a belt, like that federal agent in Boardwalk Empire, while looking at a picture of Peyton Manning.

How he spends his free time

Rex: goes to UFC fights and flips people off

Belichick: goes to Bon Jovi concerts and watches game film

Advantage: Rex UFC is just better than Bon Jovi.

Winner I have to give this one to Belichick; Super Bowl Rings trump Toe Rings all day, every day.

Tough Sunday in Kansas City

Ok lets just get it out of the way and say this guy is Fuuuuuuuuuuckin Cool, I am pretty sure he is also a huge fan of the Nigerian Nightmare, Christian Okoye.

But he could be so much cooler if:
A) He stands up and is wearing Zubaz

or B) He is wearing cowboy boots with shorts

Side Note: A google image search caught me off guard because the shorts and cowboy boots is a great look on hot chicks

C.) And this is the most likely scenario he turns around and has rapist glasses and a stache

I don't get it

Why is the Chiefs mascot K.C. Wolf? What the hell does a wolf have to do with Kansas City, the Chiefs, Football or anything not concerning Kevin Costner. Do wolves secretly scalp people is that the connection.

AIDS Hall of Fame

 With Roberto Alomar's pending induction into Cooperstown and his little know story of multiple women accusing him of having HIV and knowingly having unprotected sex. And, obviously we all know Magic Johnson has had HIV for about 25 years now.  Let's breakdown which Hall of Famer with HIV is more AIDS-y/better:

Note: Alomar's story can be found here

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/otl/news/story?id=5765281

On to the battle

How he Contracted HIV: 

Magic-banging groupies 

Alomar-molested at age 17 by 2 dudes in new mexico (you would think it would happen in old mexico) 

Advantage- Magic

Championships:

Magic- 5x nba champ 

Alomar-2x world series champ

Advantage- Magic

All Star Game Appearances: 

Magic- 12

Alomar-12

Advantage- Push

Playing Controversy: 

Magic-played in all star game with HIV and won MVP (not switching that screen) 

Alomar- spit in umpires face (who spits?) 

Advantage-Alomar

AIDS Announcement Reactions: 

Magic- people question his sexuality 

Alomar- deny deny deny (hey if i dont get tested i will never know so its all good) 

Advantage-Alomar (hey he might not have AIDS thats a win there)

Family Implications: 

Magic- wife was preggers at the time (neither kid or wife have aids) 

Alomar- mistress claimed he force fucked aids into her then he foamed from the mouth and turned purple.  Alomar's wife backed Roberto and said he had no aids then a year later she filed for divorce and claimed he was an aids infested mess: Alomar still denies he has AIDS, now that's dedication folks.

Advantage- Magic (oh he just lights up a room!!)

Cure for HIV: 

Magic-lives forever he has some super cure 

Alomar- deny deny deny 

Advantage- Push (once again proving theres more than one way to skin a cat)

Post-Career: 

Magic: The Magic Hour 

Alomar: launched a clothing line in Puerto Rico, and beat his wife 

Advantage- Alomar (I mean come on have you seen the Magic Hour it was turrible)

HIV Awareness Efforts:  

Magic-big-time activist started the Magic Johnson Foundation 

Alomar-big-time proponent of unprotected sex and spreading HIV news to women daily 

Advantage - Magic

BREAKDOWN:

Magic-4 Alomar-3 Push-2

So in a hard fought battle Magic Johnson is the greatest HIV/AIDS infested athlete of all time.

Original Gangsta Chips

I had never seen Onion & Garlic Potato Chips before, but these things are the O.G. (and Fuckin cool).  They don't taste that great but the garlic in them saves the day because it will keep vampires away; although they do give you terrible breath.  The big thing here is they are anti-vampire.  This fad of vampire movies and TV shows is horrible any man that watches True Blood with Snookie, Suck ME or whatever that bitch's name is, is either A gay or horribly whipped. And lets not even start with those Twilight movies with Team Jacob.  Team Jacob should only be used in reference to LOST.  Jacob was bad ass in LOST. So the moral of the story here is Onion & Garlic Chips may give you bad breath (but who cares you would never eat these things sober), but they will keep vampires away and you will be safe from True blood butt seks, and Guys who watch these new vampire shows are Fuuuuuuckin-Cool.